Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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