i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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