I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
