We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
