yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
