dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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