A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
