You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
