If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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