What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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