and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
