I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
