I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
