xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
