Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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