i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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