I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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