Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
