my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
