The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
