he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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