At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
