your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
