I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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