Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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