I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
