dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
