You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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