dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
