She's JV to your varsity
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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