Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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