That's when you crack a 10am beer
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
