Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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