i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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