i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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