i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
