i think my mom watched the whole time
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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