New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
