We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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