im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
