first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
