I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
