he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
