Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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