a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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