my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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