you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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