So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
