Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
