a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
