my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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