Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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