i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
