His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
