so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
