bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
