i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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