Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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