pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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