I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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