I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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