I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
