Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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