they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
